I don't get it, what in the world is going on here?

Perhaps my mindset was right? People can be different but yet similar in the familiar mindset? Well to me, it is SO difficult to get into someone's bad books and so hard to get into one's good books, I don't get why. Why people are so judgemented to negativity? Perhaps they themselves think they are the positive force that makes the negative attracts? I really do not understand.

Sometimes, when I am pissed off, I tend to raise my voice a little, and throw a little tantrum, but if the times are right, I would believe that I am in the wrong and apologise for my actions, well. Why is it that whenever when I know I am not right? I STILL HAVE TO APOLOGIZE? Why does it seem that with whoever I know...there is a good 90% of the people who think they are always right? Must they be so egoistic to think about themselves instead of others. As I live by my life value, I do not want to create conflicts, yet, people are showing me that they don't deserve what my value believes they should be. Perhaps I myself am deluded of the fact?

Also, I do not like to rush things, whenever you rush someone, there should be a jolly well knowledge that the person might be...late, sloppy, injured or have left something behind that might be important. You want to rush? You get these. Deal with it, those are facts. Therefore, it is best to be a little slower this time. So that you get what you like.

Maybe I should change? My mentality? My personality? My mindset?

Ciao~

Indeed it has been some time....

But what do I have to post now? My military life? My absenteeism from my social life. Probably none. Perhaps I should update my blog a little more for some entertainment eh? Help to improve my writing skills? Haha. Oh well.

Ciao~

I don't get what did I do to offend anyone seriously. I am getting riddled with the bullets of the anxiety of life. So many unhappy things occured over the past few months that I could not even smile like I usually do everyday. I don't think that it is worth it to think about it, but every time, I recall it again...and again...and again...

I could honestly say....TO ME....

The trip at Bali ended with a sour note. I am not sure what's up with that...but I do believe that for at least the first part, it is enjoyable. I admitted to a fact that only me and Jon knows, and would like to keep it that way, now the sad truth of the fact is slowly shadowing me, eating me into the ever deepness of sadness. The words said was just to...hard to accept.

Another thing was that a couple of colleagues arranged an outing for a person at USS, but what happened? He, and another planner, never showed up. My fellow colleagues were suffering out there that my guilty conscience has got the better of me, and regretted the outing, if I had a choice earlier, I wouldn't have freaking agreed to it. My colleagues are slowly shunning away, the days tick by to await my death sentence, to what perhaps I could never survive. My family is in the waters at the moment, in terms of physical and financial status. Education seems bleak, work seems increasingly sickening, people having second thoughts about me.

I have yet to receive $380+ worth of work pay, and have only received $9.21 for this month, our pay team is apparently dreaming, and I am needed to live a few days more which I wasn't accustomed to. I can't go out, I can't eat as happily as I could. Why? Why? Why?

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?

WHY AM I SUCH A LOSER?

WHY DO I GET TO BE THE ONE LIVING IN LOSERVILLE WHILE OTHERS ARE AT THE FOUNTAIN OF JOY?

WHY DO I GET THE IMPRESSION THAT I AM JUST AN OUTCAST?

Forget it, you know....one day...just one day...I wish I would get showered by the rain of love and busk in the ray of luck.But I don't think it'll ever happen.

Ciao.

You just think you are the frog in the well, but in fact, you actually are....

Ciao~

Why is my life so unfair?

Simply put it, at this peak of my time, I have difficulties with my family, and my family is having difficulties, money wise. I am feeling sad, why must things go down to this? Why can't we just live this life for just the way it was meant to be, and not piling trouble, upon piling trouble after one trouble has been surpressed. I don't see the reason why things has to go haywire, and cause myself and the family to go into turmoil. My parents are hardworking to work, an also it has come to a point where my father has claimed that he is, "working to his death". I don't get it. Why are richer getting richer and here we are suffering under the depths of being a little poor? When we were having such a good life before 1997. I will forever hate that year. Why are we not fortunate.

Also, why must I have such a good personality that people tend to abuse it, and take it for granted? Sometimes, they would just pick on me, or do something that will trouble me, and perhaps even get me into hot soup, or favor others before me? Let me talk about work as an example, in my specific department now. I went inside, with a positive mindset, that I'm going to have fun in there, but as the days go by, it has been tough. Especially with scheduling difficulties and staff calling in, with that, I am always the target to do the things I wasn't meant to do. To me, this is quite pissing off, if they don't want me in, then don't train me, simple. There is no point in training when all I am not going to do much is to get out and do other positions. I always see people in there for like more than how long I spend in there, which is absurd. Just because I play nice that doesn't mean I should be pushed round so easily. I am tired of unfair treatment, and to still think I have the cheek to ask myself to continue working after my internship, for the sake of my managers and a few of my good colleagues.

Falling into a "meritocracy" system in Education is another thing, just because I thought 14 points for O Levels is a good thing with so much A2s...I felt like it was a good result, yet, all the courses are taken up by better people, which are A LOT. And even when I requested for a 23 POINT course, I was denied. I don't get it. Why is our education system not giving these things to people like us? And those who just place it there just for the sake of entering a polytechnic. That is why I am so upset. I was supposed to be appointed Chairman of my CCA group, but cos' of a **** teacher, saying the commitee is not enough, I was left out, and ended up with a freaking C5 for my CCA. Seriously, why is my life so *****ed up? 

Why is it so unfair?

Why do I have the good personality, kindness, unlucky treatment that I get not seen or appreciated ? I don't ever get any lucky things in the world? Everytime I wanna do something, it ends up in failure.

I failed in planning for my Poly Education, which led me to Shatec, with huge expenses.
I failed in deciding a better working environment, which made me feel like shit.
I failed in making a good decision of my career path, and ended up regretting.
I failed in moving up the hierarchy of life, which left me collapsing straight down to the ground.
I failed in improving my sociability, which cause me to only have a pinch of friends over here.

But I think there are more to talk about, but I do think that this would suffice to my depression.

This is the first time I would say this, but, FML.

Seriously

Ciao~

Maybe after I am done with my internship, I should just head over to what seems to be another place for a job.

The fun has been drained out, and I think the peeps there has a slight issue with me, but I think they are alright.

Who knows? Maybe I should just work for a company which focuses on IT products for a change? A part time job? The decisions are countless. Jeez. It may be fun, but I don't think I am having any fun here....Move on? Probably.

Ciao~

Well guys, I am about to post something...about upgrading internet.

Well heard from my brother that people tend to lag if they upgrade to the new Fibre Broadband. I don't know if it is true or not. But I would like to upgrade anyway, I do believe that with a little improvements, my internet disconnecting problems would be eliminated a bit.

However, as much as my mom, dad an I want to, my brother is still a little stubborn. He thinks that he owns the broadband plan that my dad is using, and would just like to have his optimal gaming experience by himself and not sharing, just to play his dumb game. Yes I call it dumb since he could turn into a violent person just playing it. But whatever, I am bent on doing this and am actually going to propose to my mom and dad about this upgrading. 

Firstly, since the broadband can be upgraded anytime, I am willing to fork out 50% of the internet bills to my mom. I am that serious, and also I was thinking of the 200MBps plan, costing $95.90/mth. So half of it would be $47.95. Or maybe better, $50 a month from me, I don't mind that is. Since with my new Xbox  needing wireless and all, I think I can handle $50, with $150 on my TV paid every month for 7 months. And with that, since my bro can't seem to get separated with his own internet connection speed of 10MBps, I am wanting to discuss with my dad about transferring the name over to my brother, and he paying his own broadband bills, since he loves it SOOOO MUCH. If my dad is paying the bills, just to let the bro get angsty over the internet connection being lag, for him, then it'll be a pity, the whole family can share the 200MBps, but you know who. If he wants to get to it, I'll be the angsty one. No one needs to be selfish in the house here.

Perhaps so, I would like to finally fork out something for my family here, and this would be what I would like to help out with, perhaps another part of growing up? Haha. Anyway...

Ciao~

But I am looking forward to....

April 19th - Portal 2!
April 28th - The day I get my new Xbox 360 S!
July 3rd - END OF INTERNSHIP!!!

Three days. Not much to look forward to, no?

Oh well, I decided to treat myself with the new Xbox thing, since I might as well invest on Kinect now since it only costs $150 with the bundle. Yes, I am buying the $649 one....Rich man is me. Yeah right.

Firstly, I want to address an issue that was brought up to me, and I find it rather annoying. Firstly, when someone treats you nicely, the someone would prefer it that you treat them nicely in return, in sincerity, not backstab them, or just putting up a false front. Seriously? What is wrong? Sometimes, I like to think how selfish you can be. But I don't think that is a matter now. I just want to live by my virtues and here you go with letting others down. I don't see why you do that. Forget it...

Anyway, this is not because I got affected by it, but it was a someone who I treasure closely.

Perhaps it's time for me to turn around and start thinking of more things ahead...

Ciao~

Well, as I lay counting down to my days, I am feeling kinda relieved. What am I to this world? The times that were pink and gay were long gone, as I fall into the blackness of the endless hole, in which one day, I'll fall into the molten pit and just burn in the midsts of the earth's core. But it's natural. Here I was talking about people posting demoralising stuff, when here I am posting 2-3 in a row. Thank heavens? I am such a critic.

Ciao~

The more I think about it, the more I wish 2012 is really the end of the world, my life seems so empty and meaningless, it's just like the Chinese Folklore of the Frog in the Well...

I firmly believe I am just an invisible guy from what I can see...I do not really think my life is worth. In about the 5 million in Singapore alone, I don't think I should be there, what for? It won't make a difference anyway. Perhaps it is best for me to remain as the anti-social renegade guy hanging around the corner to give you more trouble than help. Let me tell you how pathetic is my social life is...

• <100 SMS a month
• My last SMS other than my usual friends is dated 3-4 days ago...
• The only good friends is not the number of fingers I have, but the number of LIMBS I have. Don't know if it is lesser.

No one really cares about me, see? Now, no matter how hard I try to do things, I end up being on the shelved side, yeah...seriously, I try to be as good-going of a guy as I can be in work and school, what do I get? Nothing, I end up being the lonely guy sitting at the corner. I am so paranoid that people are talking about me in my back, leaving me out in their social activities and even ignoring me and only to talk to me if it was just a criticism or work talk. No social talk? Why? Politics? Not really in my opinion, people are so judgmental by maybe looks and how others handle things that they don't look into the personality. And the more I bitch, who knows, you will hate me more and start gossiping and talking crap about me. I honestly want to talk, you don't give me the chance, I can't start conversations, I need your help. I don't think it is good to leave a guy hanging. there yeah? Perhaps a good word for me is....Loser, right? Personalities....

If you talk good about the guy, the guy knows, he might only say thank you. You say crap about him, the guy will end up hating you, backstabbing you and even gossip about you. That is life, my friend. People can be so selfish, in which they can't take any good criticism. I bet all those photos you have taken with others are uploaded on your Facebook page, and mine isn't, perhaps they are already deleted? Seriously, and you just don't wanna have it taken with me, you end up saying you have taken already. I don't think it is the right way to go. To think I treated you as a good colleague, my ****. Seriously, now I don't give two cents or even a cent about anything going on, perhaps if they don't want Mr. Nice Guy, then can have the F**** up asshole that ignores everyone and just does his work. It's better somehow, you don't have to worry about people hating you, cos' they already are....

All I hear are LIES, LIES, LIES. I had enough. I am just going to go with the flow, I don't care to interact among social networks in reality anymore, perhaps I can be more of a failure in life than a success. What's the point, I came to the world to fail. I don't think anyone would really care anyway....other than the usual suspects...

I found a good video on someone, perhaps the person mentioned is me....



Yeah, the person that nobody likes......

I hate my life, FML, and maybe I should just go on and move on and try to make success out of my life, if they come begging, it's their problem. So much for this against that, it is me against everyone.

Ciao.